Mr. Hyde's Terribly Bad Song of The Week
The following is the archived list of Mr. Hyde's Weekly feature, Mr.
Hyde's Terribly Bad Song of the Week, listed in the sorry order in which
they appeared. The master list of the songs that both make you CRINGE
and wax nostalgic at the same time....
1. Paper Lace - Billy Don't Be A Hero/The Night Chicago Died - The only
group on the list who could come up with a "Two-fer" of horrible songs. If
ANYone could do it...Paper Lace could.
2. Terry Jacks - Seasons In The Sun - From the Golden Era of Terribly
Bad songs...the 70s...this overtly tear-jerking song is tooo long and tooo
gut-wrenching.
3. Tiny Tim - Tiptoe Through The Tulips - Tiny Tim(Hebert Khaury) was
WAY ahead of his time. He had people wondering "HOW did this guy
become a celebrity?" WAY back in the '60s.
4. David Geddes - Run Joey Run - Some songs are way ahead of their
time....this one was probably made 20 years after it's time. But it might
have even made someone ill in the '50s.
5. Ween - Plant the Little Daisies - Although the '70s were the golden
era of horrible songs, this entry from the '90s is an inexplicable
head-scratcher.
6. Michael Murphy - Wildfire - Not a horrible song but horribly
over-played back in it's day..and tooo long. It leaves you wondering,
"When WILL it end??" What did Murphy think he was writing....Stairway
to Heaven??
7. Middle of the Road - Chirpy Chirpy Cheep Cheep - WHAT!!????
8. David Hasselhoff - Do The Limbo - The Germans love Dave...but
they've been WRONG before.
9. Air Supply - I'm All Out of Love - Another awful and over-played song
from the '70s. Just the mere mention of the group's name still brings the
bile running up the back of the throats of anyone who lived through the
heyday of this song.
10. The Partridge Family/David Cassidy - I Think I Love You - They say
if you lock a couple of monkeys in a room and they WILL write SOMEthing.
I don't know if the monkeys they locked away to write this song wrote
ANYthing....this song is more like the poop they threw on the walls.
11. The Ohio Express - Chewy, Chewy - This group may make MULTIPLE
appearances on this list. As for this offering...you can chew and chew and
still not be able to swallow this song....and you'll NEVER get that taste out
of your mouth.
12. Melanie - Brand New Key - Mel, the crazy hippy chick actually scored
big with this song...inexplicably. Her voice on the chorus is like fingernails
across a chalkboard, but it became a hit because it's the ultimate WORM
song. It DIGS into your head and leaves you humming, whistling or singing
it all day and when people ask why, you can only answer, "I DON'T
KNOW!!??"
13. Hanson - MmmBop - This song really Mmmm...sucks. If there is ever
a hall of fame for terribly bad songs, this one might become one of the
charter members. It was a big hit for the non-hockey playing Hanson
brothers...SO much so that they are into their 30s and still performing it
today...at the Holiday Inn lounge in Akron, Ohio.
14. Genesis - Mama - Even popular, successful acts are capable of putting
out a terribly bad song as this list will show. And sometimes, it only takes
ONE small element of a song to thrust it into suckedness and Phil Collins
getting a case of the dry heaves in the middle of this one does just THAT.
15. Culture Club - Karma Chameleon - Take a sexually androgynous,
cross-dressing heroin addict, add a goofy, gay-sounding song with
seemingly meaningless lyrics and you GOT yourself a terribly BAD song.
16. The Captain and Tennille - Muskrat Love - A staggeringly popular act
from the 70s brings up this clunker. How a hot looking talented singer
ended up with a douchebag in a captain's hat is as mysterious as what
exactly this song is getting at. When most think of love, it's all about
hearts, kisses and romance...not a small semi-aquatic rodent? But then
again, since Tennille was the one making love with the Captain...maybe she
knew something we didn't?
17. The Ohio Express - Yummy, Yummy, Yummy (I Got Love In My
Tummy) - The second entry by a group that seemed to be going out of it's
way to put out crappy songs. The whole premise of this bubblegum pop
song just sounds kinda unsettling...as in, "...the coroners report show that
the victim did have trace amounts of love in her tummy."
18. The Silver Convention - Fly Robin Fly - For those who start to wax
nostalgic about the disco era...this song serves as a reminder of how much
it really sucked....Lest we forget.
19. Billy Ray Cyrus - Achy Breaky Heart - The Cyrus'(Billy Ray and Miley)
may be starting a family tradition of musical suckedness....and Billy Ray
blazed the trail with a terrible song of epic proportions.
20. Barry Manilow - I Write The Songs - Barry, you write the songs that
make the people nod approvingly when they read this list and see that you
are on it.
21. Don Johnson - Heartbeat - It rarely ends well when an actor decides
to dabble in music. However, considering Don Johnson couldn't REALLY act
either, this horrible song is like watching a train wreck in slow motion.
22. Gilbert O'Sullivan - Alone Again, Naturally - An odd song in that it's
gut wrenchingly sad, yet done so wistfully. I guess it's a good one to hum
to yourself as you toss the noose over the rafter.